Educator Empathy: Converting Angry Parent Calls into Productive Partnerships

I had to call a parent the other day as is befitting for the role of a case manager. As soon as I introduced myself the conversation went awry. It was my student's dad on the other end of the line and he was audibly upset. His voice was escalated and he was making blanket statements about how the school doesn't care about his child or their family. He went so far to say that the school wishes ill will on them.

I knew that this couldn't be true but I also knew that sometimes our intentions aren't made clear as educators and that this very upset parent was realistically perceiving this. I understand that sometimes when we are frustrated with a student's behavior we can inadvertently place blame solely on the parent and the student. It is much harder to reflect on our own personal practices. This is all conjecture of course but I am assuming that the emotions I was encountering had something to do with the aforementioned. 

As the next available school representative I received the brunt of this parents' pain despite having never met him before. I could have easily told this upset parent who had just shouted several expletives in my direction that "I don't get paid enough for this!" These are statements that I've said before and have heard other educators say before. Who would have blamed me had I gone in that direction?

Yet as a trauma responsive and restorative educator that just wasn't an option for me. Instead of giving him a piece of my mind and ending the conversation before it got started I said "I am so sorry to hear this has been your experience. Do you mind telling me what happened?"

These mere 2 sentences were the journey towards healing.  

Through big emotions and a few more expletives thrown in my direction, I listened. I had a long list of students to see that day. I had an intern shadowing me. I had a lot of my own stuff going on. Yet these are the moments that make the biggest difference because they live outside the norm of what most people expect.  

This dad just needed an empathetic ear and to know that his son was cared for and supported but many of us can't get past the tumultuous beginning to find a better course of action. A small act of listening and being empathetic seemed to mend the dad's open wound.

It didn't take 30 minutes, it didn't take 20 minutes, it didn't take 10.

The entire phone call took approximately 5 minutes and by the end of the call he was thanking me and was looking forward to our next meeting. A meeting that would have never happened had I not asked "what happened?"